Clarity

I feel like I am starting to come out of the cobwebs that surrounded me the past few years. The stress of needing to get a job kind of clouded my mind. Instead of learning more about what I wanted to do I freaked myself out and took any job that was offered as I did not think I would find anything else. The pressure to make something of myself pushed what I'd like to be doing career-wise to the back of my mind and this vicious cycle kept my head thick with worries, anxiety, pressure, and indecisiveness.

But now, I feel like this so-called fog is lifting. I have a clearer idea of where I am, what I want and what I have to offer. Not really an epiphany but more of a realization deep within that if this is the only life I have then I need to be sure I do what makes me feel good.

And being creative is it. If I can make things then I am content. And even better...I know where the creativeness lies---it lies in writing, colour, design, fabrics, patterns, knitting, sewing, fashion and handmade goods. And weirdly enough the internet has really made me the see the potential to do all these things and make a living at it.

I really owe T on this one. His patience of teaching me how to use Indesign and Illustrator these past few months have opened up an area where I feel like I "get" it. I like colour and I like taking a few pieces and making them fit together in a visually appealing way. It is immensely challenging and I am not sure if exhibit design is for me but the graphic element definitely is. But T's support and underlying belief in me is indescribable...I am so lucky to have a partner that not only sees my talents when I cannot he refuses to let me hide from them.

For the first time in ages I feel inspired. I want to draw again...I pretty much stopped drawing years ago. And I want to dance again... just because I love to move and I forgot that...I forgot the joy. Next time we are anywhere for a bit of time dance classes are on the top of the list.

Things just seem to be moving in the right direction these days...and I am glad for it.

i got phished!

$%^@

I would use real and colourful language but I do believe there are more descriptive words to describe this situation....ok not really... I just want to swear to the the high heavens about this. So here is the deal...my bank has been calling me non-stop and since I can see it is a 1-866 number I have been 'avoiding' the calls. Yes they could be calling for something important and this has crossed my mind which would explain my lack of brain cells about two hours ago. In my junk mail was a message from my bank asking me to log in and update my security information....

In my brain at that moment...

"Ooooooh so THAT is why they are calling. Ugh what a pain, is this why they have been calling me three times a day for two weeks. Oops guess I should do this then maybe those blood sucking telephone operators can give it a rest for a bit...what a crappy job, really I should think of what they do whenever I am feeling bad about my lack of career and direction. Suckas!"

Two minutes later filling out my bank info on a form that I clicked to from the 'bank message'

"Wait a minute...didn't I already give this info.....$%#& %$#% %^#$ this is not my stupid bank....would their email address end in @sympatico.ca. UUUUHHHHH I am an idiot.....Oh my GOD someone may have my information RIGHT NOW. Frick I am such a tool. Ok ok ok call the bank..."


So I did and told them that about the email and to watch for unusual activity. Then I changed my password and called t to tell him about the situation. As always he told me not to worry I did the right thing. The right thing would have been not clicking that link!

2 minutes later her gets an email entitled "cannot breathe" from his lovely if a bit crazy wife,

"oh my god t i am scared that they have my info...i think i am having a minor panic attack...."

(I should just reiterate how lucky I am to have someone that loves me even though I can get myself worked up in less that 3 minutes and then proceed to stress myself to the point of no return)

He very nicely suggested that perhaps I should just cancel my cards for peace of mind...I think it was his peace of mind but it was good call and that is just what I did.

So I owe an apology to the people at VISA and my bank. Thanks for cancelling my cards and not thinking that I was a total nard for clicking a link into a totally FAKE email.
And yes...I will call you back about adjusting my savings account.