Clarity

I feel like I am starting to come out of the cobwebs that surrounded me the past few years. The stress of needing to get a job kind of clouded my mind. Instead of learning more about what I wanted to do I freaked myself out and took any job that was offered as I did not think I would find anything else. The pressure to make something of myself pushed what I'd like to be doing career-wise to the back of my mind and this vicious cycle kept my head thick with worries, anxiety, pressure, and indecisiveness.

But now, I feel like this so-called fog is lifting. I have a clearer idea of where I am, what I want and what I have to offer. Not really an epiphany but more of a realization deep within that if this is the only life I have then I need to be sure I do what makes me feel good.

And being creative is it. If I can make things then I am content. And even better...I know where the creativeness lies---it lies in writing, colour, design, fabrics, patterns, knitting, sewing, fashion and handmade goods. And weirdly enough the internet has really made me the see the potential to do all these things and make a living at it.

I really owe T on this one. His patience of teaching me how to use Indesign and Illustrator these past few months have opened up an area where I feel like I "get" it. I like colour and I like taking a few pieces and making them fit together in a visually appealing way. It is immensely challenging and I am not sure if exhibit design is for me but the graphic element definitely is. But T's support and underlying belief in me is indescribable...I am so lucky to have a partner that not only sees my talents when I cannot he refuses to let me hide from them.

For the first time in ages I feel inspired. I want to draw again...I pretty much stopped drawing years ago. And I want to dance again... just because I love to move and I forgot that...I forgot the joy. Next time we are anywhere for a bit of time dance classes are on the top of the list.

Things just seem to be moving in the right direction these days...and I am glad for it.

smile

Just when you think the world is a difficult place someone goes and changes your view and puts a smile on thousands of faces.

a two week review

Ok since work has taken over my life as I want to get this project done, blogging has fallen to the end of the priority list so for a catch up this what has been going on (don't hate me for a lame catch-up post)

• work
• flew home to attend my little brother's (who is 6'3) highschool graduation ceremonies
• surprised my entire family except THE DAD who graciously picked me up from the airport
• was shocked by the girl's choice of grad dresses (when did skanky become the new black?)
• laughed as my brother partied all weekend long and did not suffer from a hangover once
• danced with my whole family at said graduation party
• ate a pound of candy with my little sis
• met my new cousin (ok second cousin) who is absolutely adorable
• ran about six million errands in 5 days
• tried to meet up with friends
• ran out of time so had to apologize to friends (good thing they are are travelers and understand how time fills up when you arrive home for a visit)
• switched out travel attire while fighting with all our humongous tubs of clothes that are crammed into the closet in my parent's basement
• drove in crappy traffic complete with crappy Calgary weather
• paid an exorbitant amount of postage to send a package to NZ and one to Oz (Canada Post what gives?)
• saw Sex and the City---overall rating mediocre
• enjoyed a few baths...so delicious. Mexicans don't seem to into the whole bath notion so I was pretty darn excited to get in the tub at home
• Checked out my little sister's first apartment--very nice indeed
• Got our International Driver's Permits so we are legal to drive all over Central and South America!!!
  
• got back on the plane and am back in Mexico working like a demon to get the work project done

Funny that this list started out with work and ends with it...well not that funny.

i should get more delicious sleep

For the past few weeks I have been unable to sleep. Ok...I do get sleep but not restful and it takes me ages (like hours) to fall into sleep. The past few weeks I have been working on less than 5-6 hours of sleep a night...I know that seems like it should be enough but I am a gal who likes her 8 hours and it is starting to take its toll. I don't really know what it is but the minute my head hits the pillow I start thinking about all the work we have to do, all the writing I should be doing, whether we will ever own property.....Clearly I do not need to be keeping myself up worrying over these things but I cannot seem to just let it go. I envy T who rolls over, tells me not to worry about things because it doesn't help (which I get, thank you very much) and then in about 5 minutes is sawing down a whole forest of sleepy trees while I lie awake pondering all the things I should do. I have been told to take the word SHOULD out of my vocabulary, I am trying but this one is a real hard one to remove for some reason.

Last night I decided to say "screw it"...I did not think about work, I did not worry about writing, I did not worry about what I should be doing and miraculously I fell into delicious sleep. It was so needed I hope that I can tell everything else in my mind to take a hike tonight because this lady has a TON of delish sleep to catch up on.

one of those days...

It is 10:17am and it has already been one of those days...one of those days where you wake up feeling pretty good --things are going well and maybe you have gotten a few things right....and then WHAM! life bitch-slaps you in the face just to let you know that you've got a lot more crap to wade through and while you are reeling from the smack life whispers "it ain't easy kid...you gonna fight or give up?"

Busy bee

So I have been busy trying to figure out all the intricacies of out trip...like how does one insure a computer while travelling...ok I have not solved this issue yet but I am working towards it. As well as trying to sell my car, write a work contract for T and I and ponder my wardrobe for the trip, which as we all know is extremely important.

So as far as the work opportunity goes we managed to come to a middle ground. We will do the design work in Mexico and have a contractor take over the rest of the project. This is the best outcome by far. This way we don't need to come back, we just do the work, send it on, get approval and continue on our way through Central and South America. I got myself worked up for nothing.

I feel good about how this worked out and a few other opportunities have sprung up for me as well that are do-able on the road which would be great experience as well as provide fuel for the resume. So maybe I can just CALM DOWN about life and let it happen.

the lady life or biatch?

so my face has recovered from when i got beaned last week. and i am feeling less guilt about quitting my job. i guess i can whine about it or suck it up and face the future which lately has been difficult for me. but i keep thinking that it has got to get better soon, so with that in my back pocket i am looking at all the options and preparing myself to make better choices when it comes to my career. the past few years have been rough but i have learned a lot about myself as well as what i like to do...which is not necessarily the same as what i am good at. but i do know that i need to have a lot of contact with people, just sitting in the same area does not work for me. also i love to be creative and the past few jobs have not let me express myself this way, although they have taught me a great deal of other important skills. so i have decided that i can be pickier with jobs, i don't have to choose the first thing that comes along. i suppose i am lucky too as T is around and working, he says he just wants me to be happy. to make things easier the two of us have some work together so i will not be a penniless mooch lying on the couch, brushing leftover chips off my ever expanding waistline, while he slaves away. actually it is pretty nice i am doing some copy changes for a client. i used to be a serious creative writer in high school but a degree in kinesiology pretty much sucked that right out of my life. so i am very nervous to be writing again but at the same time very excited. i am keeping my ear to the ground on other creative opportunities that interest me so if anyone has any suggestions on what a creative, athletic, moody, goofy, travel crazed gal should be doing let me know. to "life" bring it on biAtch.....i am ready.

quote

"Find out what you like doing best and
get someone to pay you for doing it."
 
- Katherine Whitehorn



hi katherine?  yeah....call me.