it is only proper

Don't you agree that if J. Crew has a dress that includes your name, for example "the Sarah dress", they should send you a free one just because said dress and you share a name?

Clarity

I feel like I am starting to come out of the cobwebs that surrounded me the past few years. The stress of needing to get a job kind of clouded my mind. Instead of learning more about what I wanted to do I freaked myself out and took any job that was offered as I did not think I would find anything else. The pressure to make something of myself pushed what I'd like to be doing career-wise to the back of my mind and this vicious cycle kept my head thick with worries, anxiety, pressure, and indecisiveness.

But now, I feel like this so-called fog is lifting. I have a clearer idea of where I am, what I want and what I have to offer. Not really an epiphany but more of a realization deep within that if this is the only life I have then I need to be sure I do what makes me feel good.

And being creative is it. If I can make things then I am content. And even better...I know where the creativeness lies---it lies in writing, colour, design, fabrics, patterns, knitting, sewing, fashion and handmade goods. And weirdly enough the internet has really made me the see the potential to do all these things and make a living at it.

I really owe T on this one. His patience of teaching me how to use Indesign and Illustrator these past few months have opened up an area where I feel like I "get" it. I like colour and I like taking a few pieces and making them fit together in a visually appealing way. It is immensely challenging and I am not sure if exhibit design is for me but the graphic element definitely is. But T's support and underlying belief in me is indescribable...I am so lucky to have a partner that not only sees my talents when I cannot he refuses to let me hide from them.

For the first time in ages I feel inspired. I want to draw again...I pretty much stopped drawing years ago. And I want to dance again... just because I love to move and I forgot that...I forgot the joy. Next time we are anywhere for a bit of time dance classes are on the top of the list.

Things just seem to be moving in the right direction these days...and I am glad for it.

sleep deprivation

It's midnight and I am still awake...only a few more days and this project is finito. I literally cannot wait...I might have to perform a happy dance once it is done or, alternatively, I'll on a beach in Cabo happily slurping on alcoholic beverages with little umbrellas in them while lying on a massage table. Umm yup, I'll take the latter thanks.